The Day I'm Having a Deep Thought

I've been getting pressure and pressure again from my boss. Well, being a sales person for a golf club is tough especially involving Events Management as well. I'm gonna have 3 events coming up starting 24th Feb 2011. Now, I'm in the office writing this entry while listening to Madonna-You must love me.

Today, many unexpected events has happened to me and made me having a long, deep thought inside my head. In fact, it's still playing. As you know, my mum passed away last year and until now there's no sign of her tomb stone up yet.
When i asked my dad, he said 'No Money'..well, that is what I got from him every time i asked him the question. And the next thing I knew, he bought a new Nikon D90 camera that worth RM3K. Where does the money came from? Government? or my Mum's EPF? I minus off the money that they spend when they went for a holiday in Pangkor. I didn't get the invitation from him. The reason; he brought along his new GF with him. That the biggest reason I can tell you here. I wonder how much they spent in Pangkor with the whole family. I'm so sick of my own dad now. Thank god he doesn't interrupt my life. Amen!!!!

I was browsing my Fridae account this evening and I found that 'V' also has a Fridae account with some half naked pics. I was kindda shock to see his profile there. Those pictures will clearly captured most PLU that seeking sex there. I admit that me too posted my half naked pic in some of my account. But not until that extend. Honestly, I don't know where am I standing in his heart or his eyes. Sometimes, I feel he treated me like a boyfriend instead of 'entertainment' buddy. Yeap..there's no string attached between the two of us, maybe the way he treated me or act has sent me wrong messages. I have misinterpret him. Looking at his half naked pic has clearly open up my mind. Who snapped that pic? Where? When? Why I'm not around? and the photos was taken recently in Feb 2011. I noticed it was in a hotel, and someone that closed must have snapped his pic.A lot of thing keep playing on top of my head. Does he has another sex buddy? or Someone paid him to have sex in a nice hotel room? or just a One Night Stand hook up?

I understand that I can't think too much of these possibilities as I am not attached with him. I guess he too does not wish to be attached.

Regards,
xoxo

The Night I'm Not In Your Arm.

I am writing this entry in the morning. Clock shows 0023hrs. It mean just passed mid night
I can't sleep. I don't think I can get sweet dream. I'm in my room alone tonight. He's not beside me. Thus, I have all those emotion that made feel awake.

I have to admit, spending the night at his place made me miss him. I wanted to ask him 'THE' question. But, now words slipped out from my mouth once I have rested in his arm. He's warmness has made me speechless.

If in the future, 'you' ever read this...I want you to know how I felt every time I wanted to ask you.

Deep in my heart I have been concealing,
Things that I'm longing to say,
Scared to confess what I'm feeling,
Frightened you'll slip away,
Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how

Again, keeping the question unanswered is such a pain in the ass for me..mentally! But, remain unanswered is what keeping him with me. I am happy in that way. I don't know until when. or Why? Now, I don't have he answer.....

Love,
xoxo

The Next Day...after V day

I had a body pump at Fitness First on Valentine's Night. Well, a lot of people turn up for the class. I guess everybody is single nowadays. Azura was on date last night. Lucky her. She found herself a young lad. How I wish I can be like her.
A lot of people at the curve especially in front of the fountain near McDonald. I saw many kind of couples. Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Malay with Chinese and a lot more. It's happy to see them happy. In fact, 2 couples asked me to take picture for them. Yes, I have to admit I'm a bit jealous to see other people so happy received present from their love one. Well, even Hartini received a bouquet of flower from his boyfriend.
After Pump and 'gai-gai' at The Curve, I went home. I text 'him' asking whether I can sleep over his place or not cuz' I don't feel like spending V day alone last night. Thank god he replied 'OK'. Just a simple answer has made me happy.
So, I spend the night with 'him' in his room. Nothing happened. We're both tired. I think he fall asleep 1st before me. I wanted to ask 'him' a very simple question, but until now my mouth feels very heavy to deliver the question to 'him'. Anyway, if you guys wanna know, I just wanted to ask him - "What is our status now". A very simple question but yet, very hard to say it out loud. Maybe I don't want to know his answer or maybe I am afraid to know his answer. Darn....
I just cant accept if he gonna give me he answer that I don't want to hear. That's the biggest reason why I can't ask him yet.
Watching 'him' sleeping made me want him more. But, does he feels the same as well....
I will let the question flow on top of my head. I will just let the question remain open at this moment.

Regards,
xoxo

The Saturday Night Fever

Don't get too excited by looking at the tittle. I am not going to any club actually. and I'm not a clubbing kaki. So, today i work half day up until 1.30pm. The whole day filled with appointment with client for weddings.
Tomorrow I will have another wedding. OMG..I have to work until night again and Monday will be Valentine's Day. How I wish someone will ask me to be his Valentine's on that day. I guess I will end up dating and dinner with my reports and paper works.

END

The Month of Money and Stupid Cupid

I am here again, bragging about my life by blogging. Well, it rhymes. Lol. Yes, now is February. It's Chinese New Year. I just love CNY. In fact, lots of function in this month, wedding, meeting, annual dinner, etc. Wow..now my boss will realize how good I am as a sales person and event planner.* show off..Daanngggggg! In fact, just finish 1 Indian wedding while writing and there's another 1 Indian Wedding that I need to handle tomorrow.

I had Yee Sang in One World Hotel during my annual dinner. Met my fellow colleagues in One World Hotel. My god...they all grew up. Owh..it's memory lane session again in OWH.
Next, after CNY- we have Valentine's Day. It is the Day that I hated the most. I don't hate fasting month though I can't eat. I don't hate Hungry Ghost Month as I am Malay. But, I hate Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day since I reached my puberty. YES! As simple as that.
Honestly, I have been celebrating V Day alone all this while. In fact, I guess I'll be alone again this year after my ex dumped me. Oh my god..I hate to see those restaurants that has Valentine's day menus. Even shops that sell pink teddy bear holding roses (the teddy so gay....) I will cursed non-stop!

On top of my head now, if there is Cupid, I will make sure to steal his Bow and Arrow. and of course I will beat him till death. I don't mind to abuse a child with wings. They randomly shoot arrow to us. So, why not I beat them till they die! They shoot, I beat!

How I wish there's someone will organize an 'Anti Valentine's Day Dinner' for single/Divorcee/Break up men/ladies on hate V Day.

Now, I am officially sign up my self in Anti Valentine's Day.

Regards,
Jim
xoxoxo