Because I Know The Unknown Future.....

Every time I think about the future......I kindda know......

I know I will not feel your legs rubbing against my leg anymore,

I know I can't cook for you anymore,

I know I can't drive you around anymore, 

I know We will not sit next to each other in the car,

I know I can't never feel your hands and your callus palm,

I know I will miss the smell of your oiled hair, your body and the tenderness of you your lip,

and, I know I will not be with you, 

But, I hope You will keep me living in your heart......

Because I know I'll be with you where ever you are......MBV.

Summer, Eid Adha Holiday,

2 August 2020,

Doha, Qatar.

Your Arm or my world...?

You arm is like a shelter...a fence..

I felt safe, I felt secure..

I felt like I could give you my whole world.

Moving Forward

Its been 42-day since you left Qatar.

I can't describe how much I miss you.

Images of  the weekends that we've spent together has been stuck on top of my head...

...................and the images keep playing.

Reading back the old Whatsapp messages since 2016 made me feel that my days are empty without you here.


Its nice to read again the messages when u still calling me 'Dear' instead of 'Jim'..It gave me the feeling where I belong to someone dearly.

Now, I have no one to argue and no one to turn to when I have problems in the office, or about the car, or places to eat.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I hope you're doing great in Singapore.

My journey to move-on has been great so far.

New adventure begin and I started meeting people again.

There's hiccup sometime, some jerks that I met.

But, worth the try.

How I wish I can meet someone like you again.

Someone that respect me.

You always have a special place in my heart.

1645hrs
11 December 2018

The Evil That Closed The Door - ME..?

I don't expect anything material from you.

Just a small affection..or courtesy. 

Maybe, my request too heavy

'You are evil Jim' - A phrase that I don't expect from anyone, especially You. I'm like a little puppy when you are around. How evil can I be?

'I will never reached out to you again. You have closed the door' - Perhaps, I did 'Close' the door, but I've  never 'LOCK' it. 

I hope one day, when the time has come, we're both can face each other with smile on our face. 

I really want to embrace you in my arms again and caress your hair.

Good luck 

To 3-Letter Guy - AYF

A.Y.F

You make me want to rise, 
  You make me want to shine,
You make me wanna be a little better all the time
  You make me want to be as good as I can be,
You make me wanna be a better person - can't you see.

Every words i write,
  Is a cry into the void
of missing you

~ If only I can bring you back to me.

0035hrs
31 October 2018
-written right after I sent you to the airport. One day we'll meet again.

You've Prepared Me For The Winter Without You.

Its getting near,
I know you're leaving.
A day after my birthday.
Probably the worse gift ever.

Can I accept it?
Yes. I can.

Can I handle it?
Yes. I can.

Can I face it daily - knowing you're not in Qatar?
No, but I'll try,

I'm scared to even think about it,
That you're leaving.
..and I'll be lonely again,

.......and I know my tears could not stop you from leaving.
Trust me, that's not my goal.

Though you are 5 km away, but i always feel you're close to me.
Accessible. Reachable.

I missed our moment in Al-Khor. When I belong to You, and You belong to me.
Wake up early, prepared breakfast for you, and waiting for you to come back from work was so much fun.

You gave me the feeling and sense of belonging.

Now, that I lost you.
.
.
.
.

Knowing that you're leaving, felt almost the same when I'm about to loose mama.
Its the silence moment when I know I cant be in your arms again.

Everything about living in this country, I learnt from you.
Almost all of my 'First Time' living abroad came from you.

You gave me the experience I thought I would never experienced.
You brought me to see the world, the food and the cultures.

You drove me around, so I could remember the roads.
You show me around, so I know where are the malls located.


You taught me Tango, even though I can't catch up.
You show me the fun of horse riding, though its hot.

.........You groomed me to be who I am now, to live in this part of the world.

You made me feel like home, and thus making me strong.
You basically a guide for me. A book filled with knowledge and experience when I needed help.

But, You knew all along, one day we going to be separated...

Basically, You've prepared me for this moment of losing you...


End Of Summer, Qatar
17 October 2018

An Advice From A Granny To A Boy

Whatever is on your mind, say it out loud...
   Don't keep it to your self...

You don't know if You have another chance to say it...
   People may not know when they will die or separate from their loved ones...

Remember my words...

   If you have something to say or do, get it done now...
Before its too late!!