The moment when my phone beep.

That moment...when I was eating at Grand Hyatt, I never believed that I would receive your message again. Well, who knows the guy that I chat with; whom belong to someone agreed to meet me. You are still a stranger to me. Neither face nor voice I can describe you.
But, I can feel the connection even though it was intangible. And yet, you agreed to drive all the way from Al-Gharafa to Al-Khor.
I was nervous. No doubt I've been meeting people, but your message has managed to make me nervous. Hahaha...It was so funny that I don't know what to wear even though it's night time when no shops open in Al-Khor.
So, there you were....in your pick-up truck. Stop in front of my villa. I was so shy. I guess we're both shy. I was confused...should I do this? Should I just tell him that am not feeling well? but he drove all the way to Al-Khor.
Well, I still hop-in into his vehicle. There I was....feeling scared and shy in his car. Told him to drive to Corniche to drink tea.
Gosh~ I cannot believe that I bring a stranger to date me, drinking green-tea with mint at Corniche while over looking the sea. I have to admit, after we chat...I feel really comfortable with you. Hence, I asked you to stay the night with me.
Owh well, the rest is history. Hahahahahaha

I'm glad that we met tonight, and am looking forward to meet you again.

Step..step..step.. Baby Step v(^_^ )

The Moment When Loneliness Relates........

Today, my colleague told me about her relationship problem that I can relate to my self. Well, she was just feeling insecure about her self especially when her girlfriend is in Philippines. Yes, it's a long-distance relationship that I'm talking about. To be more precised, she felt insecure about her future with her girlfriend knowing that she is getting older. Will it be possible for her to settle down with her girlfriend just like any other married couple, and the time and money invested in the relationship. She just had too much to think, and that really ruined her day. I conclude that she was just afraid of being alone and lonely especially when a person is in the same-gender relationship. Well, we all know that this kind of relationship sometime just doesn't work. Just like mine.

Afraid of being lonely is something that I can really relate especially when I am in a foreign land that doesn't accept my kind of life style. I am 'frighteningly' lonely. It's like when we were younger, we were so lonely because we didn't have a lot of friend. And now that I am older, and experienced  death in the family and relationship break up, the loneliness seems just so much worse. Kinda hard to explain.....i guess it started right after my mum passed away, then break up with my boyfriend when we are practically live-in together for 4 years like a married couple. It's not easy at all. The longer they are gone, the more I missed them. Sometime, I asked my self, if we, HUMAN; loves someone so much, would we able to stand it when the time comes for us to part? And if saying good bye is part of life, is it possible to love someone and at the same time be afraid of losing them? Sometime, before I sleep, I asked myself, if its possible to  live our entire lives without loving anyone at all? I guess that is the real meaning of LONELINESS. I knew how much it hurts and I just afraid it will continue to get worse.

When Sex Re-Defined.

Sex cant be used to define anything. 

Some people are in a relationship without having sex. 

And some people have sex without being in a relationship.

The moment I lie on bed, and put my head on the pillow.

The feeling of being alone is like; you are whispering silently while crying and thinking that you can filled up a river with those tears in one night. 

That is the moment where all the memories come back to haunt you, especially the moment when you said " Good-Bye" and you know you can never let your self cry again. Ever.......!

Come to think again, sometime I guess I let my tears blinded the love that we had until we lost our dreams along the way.
And I never thought that you'd leave me alone.

However, the time and the rain pouring every time I'm thinking about you has set me free and healed me.

But, the sand that the rain fall onto, will always keep the memory of you.

You told me that loves everlasting, somehow it's still fade away.

But, I know it's still alive within your beat-less heart.

I'll dry my tears.........with love.

JG, I hate you so much that I still keep thinking about you before I sleep.................

The Moment of Truth and The End ( a letter to him)

Dear _ _ S _ _   G_ _,

People say, the rain that fall to earth can't get back to the sky, and it's just like the 'time' that no human can turn back or make it reverse.

I know that when our love comes to an end, we can never be the same like yesterday . Even though we are over, we both know that this is not entirely our fault. Maybe it's our destiny that the god has written and planned.

Even though it hurts like hell, I know that I'll be stronger and move on.

Anyhow, I just want to say thank you that you had loved me and taught me how to love unconditionally.

Well, in life all good things will come to an end. Live or dead..,one day we still have to say good bye.

No matter how much I love you or how much I miss you, I still have to let you go.

So, with this I will always remember.................

*Winter in Qatar*