The Moment When Loneliness Relates........

Today, my colleague told me about her relationship problem that I can relate to my self. Well, she was just feeling insecure about her self especially when her girlfriend is in Philippines. Yes, it's a long-distance relationship that I'm talking about. To be more precised, she felt insecure about her future with her girlfriend knowing that she is getting older. Will it be possible for her to settle down with her girlfriend just like any other married couple, and the time and money invested in the relationship. She just had too much to think, and that really ruined her day. I conclude that she was just afraid of being alone and lonely especially when a person is in the same-gender relationship. Well, we all know that this kind of relationship sometime just doesn't work. Just like mine.

Afraid of being lonely is something that I can really relate especially when I am in a foreign land that doesn't accept my kind of life style. I am 'frighteningly' lonely. It's like when we were younger, we were so lonely because we didn't have a lot of friend. And now that I am older, and experienced  death in the family and relationship break up, the loneliness seems just so much worse. Kinda hard to explain.....i guess it started right after my mum passed away, then break up with my boyfriend when we are practically live-in together for 4 years like a married couple. It's not easy at all. The longer they are gone, the more I missed them. Sometime, I asked my self, if we, HUMAN; loves someone so much, would we able to stand it when the time comes for us to part? And if saying good bye is part of life, is it possible to love someone and at the same time be afraid of losing them? Sometime, before I sleep, I asked myself, if its possible to  live our entire lives without loving anyone at all? I guess that is the real meaning of LONELINESS. I knew how much it hurts and I just afraid it will continue to get worse.

When Sex Re-Defined.

Sex cant be used to define anything. 

Some people are in a relationship without having sex. 

And some people have sex without being in a relationship.

The moment I lie on bed, and put my head on the pillow.

The feeling of being alone is like; you are whispering silently while crying and thinking that you can filled up a river with those tears in one night. 

That is the moment where all the memories come back to haunt you, especially the moment when you said " Good-Bye" and you know you can never let your self cry again. Ever.......!

Come to think again, sometime I guess I let my tears blinded the love that we had until we lost our dreams along the way.
And I never thought that you'd leave me alone.

However, the time and the rain pouring every time I'm thinking about you has set me free and healed me.

But, the sand that the rain fall onto, will always keep the memory of you.

You told me that loves everlasting, somehow it's still fade away.

But, I know it's still alive within your beat-less heart.

I'll dry my tears.........with love.

JG, I hate you so much that I still keep thinking about you before I sleep.................